HY 11/06: Newly Solo | Lehigh Valley Hospital

After the loss of a partner, reaching out is key

A fresh start

Martha Forss, 54, of Allentown makes new friends and helps others as a Habitat for Humanity volunteer. Brian Misanko, 64, of Allentown gains strength from his friends, family and colleagues at Cedar Crest College, and Roberta Rizzotto, 53, of Whitehall de-stresses and stays trim by using the gym at Air Products.

For more on how these and other local people adjusted to being single, see below:

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You’re Newly Solo—What Now?
Nov. 16

When you lose a partner of many years to death or divorce, you may feel your life is over. Believe it or not, you can and will survive. You can and will be happy again.

You’re certainly not alone—by the latest census, 5.9 million men and 14 million women age 55 to 84 are single. While the odds of finding a new mate aren’t as good for women as for men, marriage is not the only key to happiness.

“Of course it will take time to recover from your loss, and life won’t be the same,” says outpatient mental health nurse Gayle Levas, R.N., of Lehigh Valley Hospital and Health Network. “But many find that their new single status brings exciting new opportunities.”

Your attitude about being single makes all the difference in your well-being, Levas says. “Find out what makes you happy and do it. Everyone needs a purpose in life, a reason to get up.” Some newly single men and women find satis-faction and make connections by revving up their careers. Others discover or renew an interest in sports or the arts, for a sense of accomplishment and self-discovery as well as new friends.

“Singleness needn’t equate to loneliness,” says Levas’ colleague, geriatrician Brooks Betts, D.O. “Look in the newspaper and you’ll see all kinds of opportunities—classes, church groups, excursions. You just have to get out there.” If your mobility is limited, look to your computer. Online support groups, interest groups or links to old classmates can lead to new and wonderful relationships.

There’s good reason to reach out, Betts says: Social isolation can be deadly. Researchers have found that lonely people have higher blood pressure, and the effect increases with age. That may account for higher rates of stroke and heart disease among singles.

Singlehood can be especially challenging for older men, whose social networks typically aren’t as strong as women’s. “Some men are quite lost,” Betts says, “and may seek out new partners prematurely, before they’ve had time to learn to cope on their own.”

If you or someone you care about is newly single, here are some helpful strategies:

Set goals in terms of how you want to spend your time, what you’d like to learn, where you want to travel, etc.

Volunteer in a setting where you can share your skills or develop new ones. Many agencies offer training.

Consider new forms of companionship. A pet is a great antidote to loneliness and a boon to health. And there’s probably a child in your life who’d love to get to know you better.

Exercise with others. Find a walking companion or sign up at a gym; it’s good for your heart in every way.

Put the best spin on things. Lose the self-pity and find ways to be grateful. If you just can’t shake those low feelings, consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Remember that time will help.

Want to Know More about local activities for singles? Click here. About ways to expand your “social portfolio”? Click on the link in the column on the right side of this page.